Graduated Reciprocal Initiatives in Tension Reduction (GRIT)

Cards

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GRIT only works if you have a good deal of patience; must appear to be reasonable in all steps
1) make a conciliatory statement express a desire to work through the conflict
2) announce behavoiral initiatives tell what you're willing to do to reduce the conflict
3) execute the initiatives as announced do what you said you would do
4) invite but don't demand reciprocation will they take steps to fix it? (usually not since they don't take fault)
5) continue initiative performance keep on, even if they aren't willing to contribute
6) make the initiatives susceptible to verification can the other person verify its truthfulness
7) maintain the ability to retaliate (foreign relations standpoint); don't give up the availability to punish
8) make punishments precise and in kind precise: tied to some specific deed /// in kind: roughly proportional to the wrong done
9) diversify initiatives should be an earlier step; don't dependon only one thing in case you backslide
10) match positive reciprocation if you keep it up, in timethe other person should soften; creates a spiral of positive behaviors